I'll do My Best To Make You Proud!

     It's been a pretty beastly year, to this point.  It's already been a little over a year since my friend who was sick passed on to the other side.  Then, just a few months ago, I lost another.

     These people were more than just my friends, they were soulmates - individuals who bring out the deepest spirit within me and inspire me to do so many things.  I've never had many friends in my life of this caliber, and now I've lost two of them.  So yeah... it's been a rough time for me.  I feel as if a chunk of the fire in my spirit has been extinguished, and it's had a terrible effect on my ability to write, to tell stories, to make music, even to interact with others.

     I've been trying hard to get over this horrible depression - it's a terrible demon to fight.  I'm glad, however that I don't do it alone.  I have a few people in my life who still inspire me, and they keep me filled with hope and comfort, and on those darkest days, they keep me alive.

     What's suffered the most is existence within Luna's Loft.  My character has been in limbo, as has my current story for well over a year.  It's been almost impossible for me to even so much as pick up a pen (so to speak) and write even a simple phrase.  The story's buried with my soul and I haven't had the heart to pick it back up. The demon whispers in my ear to 'just let it go, it's not worth it anymore'. Some days I wonder if that's true.  I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I can't help it.  Many of the players have vanished into obscurity or left IRC, entirely.  And then, there's my love.  Her spirit's faded so much, I wonder if she's even anywhere in that pony shell anymore.  It's truly frustrating and heartbreaking.  I genuinely and wholeheartedly wish I could do something to bring Shi back, but I don't know what I can do anymore.

     If I can just manage enough spirit to finish my stories...

     Dreamsweet's been trying to help me, both by being a shoulder for me, and helping me with a sort of dream therapy.  He's a good guy, one of the best I've ever met.  His positive energy is something that keeps me going from day to day.  It's helped me come to terms with a lot of things and given me the strength to heal my wounds.  It's not a fast process, but I'm getting better.  I just wish that I could heal her... heal us.  Maybe in time that can still happen.  I cannot abandon hope in this.  Through all we've had happen, she's been there all along, right in the middle of it, and I don't want to lose her, too.

     I made a silent promise to my friends, both times.  In their honor I would strive to become a better...  not artist, not musician, not writer... something more, something that encompasses all of that.  I would become a better... BARD.  To honor the inspirations and the support they gave me in life, I would become that thing worthy of remembrance.  I hope that I can live up to that promise - the demon tries to beat it out of me every day.  I'm down, but I'm not out... not yet, and as long as I can keep from succumbing to the negative energies which swirl around my life like a plague, and nurture the spirit that was so lovingly shared with me, I think I'll do it.

My Dark Side

There's an old but good one!

Cat On Me

Well it's not exactly a blanket, but at least the purring's nice...