(These constant standoffs are starting to affect my ability to RP, so I think it's time I got this off my chest. I'm still a little upset so this might get kind of personal. )
A great many changes have happened recently, surrounding the Loft, the most significant being Fluttershi's divorce and the departure of Hipsterluna from the RP. It was a long time coming, but that didn't make it any easier. The breakup left a void, and a lot of wounded hearts. In the end, I think we'll recover, but for now, there are dark times through which we must pass.
The Loft has changed hooves, to Fluttershi, and now rests in her care, but she wont' stand alone; not as long as we all support each other. This is where I have taken up the mantle. When Luna left, she made of me, one final request - Help Shi run the Loft. I promised her, and stepped up. Already, this has put me in an antagonizing position against other members. That is the burden of leadership, but if it ensures that Luna's legacy and our home live on, then I will gladly accept whatever enmity comes with the task.
It's been a strange month. Veils have been lifted, and truths have come to light, and not all of them were taken very kindly. Nevertheless, it's a few less secrets I have to burden myself with. I did find it rather disturbing to learn that I garner such hatred and jealousy from some around me. I guess I should be used to that by now, but it still weighs on my heart. All I ever did was love openly, with no reservations, and no fear. I'm a bard, it comes with the territory. So, to appease the animosity, I acted out of a moment of emotional stress, and made the worst mistake I could have ever made - I hit the reset button.
It was an action, committed out of pure disgust and guilt. I was so sick and tired of being attacked by everyone for "trying to steal every mare for myself". I've never TAKEN anything! All I have, I've been given freely. (Amazing what can happen when you use real emotions to RP. It creates genuine bonds.) So, I wiped the slate clean. That of course back lashed immediately, and now I have to contend with the very real possibility of losing the two most important ponies of my OC's life. It fixed NOTHING. In fact, the only thing it did, was create more pain for them, and me. But, at least now the others don't have to worry about me interfering with their agendas, right? NO! Now they're all trying to UNDO it. Then why the hell did I do this in the first place?! I gave them exactly what they wanted, an opportunity, without me being in the picture to screw things up for them, and they spit it back in my face.
It's no wonder I'm losing my drive. I get vilified for what I have, but I have put genuine effort into a lot of it. And, I have a life outside the IRC, so do others, I get that, but the simple fact of this real-time-based-RP, is that I'm THERE. I didn't just conjure up some magic story and create relationships out of thin air. I actually built them from the ground up. I didn't just walk in the door one day and say "I'll take that one." It was MONTHS worth of RPs, adventures, and private chats. I realize, to some, this is just a game or a diversion, but it's very real to me, because I have made it so. My heart goes in this 100%. Anything less wouldn't be worthy of me.
And so now I'm planning to undo the damage caused, seek the forgiveness of my two dearest brony friends, and never let my heart falter again! Love is not a sin, it's a blessing.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Bits and Pieces
I have so much going on this month! Of course there is the rapidly approaching holiday season. I thought about dropping hints to some of my friends to see if I can get them to get me something pony, but I have a feeling they won't be able to handle braving the pink nightmare aisle. I might do just that, myself
Upside to certain things, I'm getting new computer parts a lot sooner than I expected. This will prove highly useful for the future of my creative engine. I'm really glad for that, because this old system is on the brink of falling apart. It would seem that my internet is functioning normally again too, so hopefully those problems are now behind me. That was a giant pain in the flank, and I never want to deal with it again.
And now more pony-related things:
Starting with more thoughts about season 2. This one is definitely a lot different than the first. I guess it's really showing that the producers have a bit more play with since they upped the TV rating a level. I personally find it more appealing, as it makes the illusion of catering to a more mature audience. On the whole, the episodes have been interesting, and the new songs so far have been awesome. I think there was only really one episode that I didn't like that much, at it was only because it felt rushed. They've been putting a lot of new places and characters into the mix. The fandom's getting flooded with new material, because of this. The only thing that I'm really having to adjust to is the major changes to Ponyville. They're really hardcore about turning it from the once cute little quiet town, to a growing burg. That continues to affect the spinoff material, and drives mappers like me crazy, especially since there is now a rail line running right through the middle of town. As of the previous episode, we now know that it goes right to Canterlot. (and what happened to the woods?!)
In the Loft, things have become quieter, but less chaotic. It's not as populated as it once was, players have left or fallen into silence. Kind of depressing sometimes, but there are still a few of us that try to keep things going strong, at the least to honor the memory of those who came and went before us. Lately I've been trying to advocate a lot of different scenarios, to keep things interesting. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Still, when things go well, it leaves more, in a line of awesome memories that I will not forget. I've been tempted to seek out new players from the other channels.
On the subject of scenarios, and projects, this is where I will be going crazy, for most of the next month. I've been spearheading a string of various planned RPs, and setting the stage for others. I hope that I can advertise enough to everyone to make them want to come:
Winter Moon Festival - Princess Luna's version of Summer Sun, This one is going to potentially run me ragged, as it will be the single most ambitious RP project I have ever run. I'm both excited and nervous about doing it, but I will not back down from it.
Hearth's Warming - I've more or less been spoiled as to what this is all about, but I'm being subtle about its actual meaning, so as not to spoil anyone else. I know we plan to do some sort of Christmas-y thing probably on the 24th, which is when we've set the date for that event. I don't really expect to see too many on, except to drop in, but I will hold vigil, regardless.
Dreamsweet's going to be running some kind of treasure hunt, one day too. This promises to be wacky and amusing. We also have New Years, a birthday in January, and something that I will not talk about just yet.
With my mood slightly better lately, and stuff working without the frustrating problems, I've returned to my writing as well. I feel bad that I have neglected it for so long, but I just can't write when my heart's not in it. On the whole, this month has been and continues to be good to me, in and out of the Loft, so I think it will start reflecting in my works.
Upside to certain things, I'm getting new computer parts a lot sooner than I expected. This will prove highly useful for the future of my creative engine. I'm really glad for that, because this old system is on the brink of falling apart. It would seem that my internet is functioning normally again too, so hopefully those problems are now behind me. That was a giant pain in the flank, and I never want to deal with it again.
And now more pony-related things:
Starting with more thoughts about season 2. This one is definitely a lot different than the first. I guess it's really showing that the producers have a bit more play with since they upped the TV rating a level. I personally find it more appealing, as it makes the illusion of catering to a more mature audience. On the whole, the episodes have been interesting, and the new songs so far have been awesome. I think there was only really one episode that I didn't like that much, at it was only because it felt rushed. They've been putting a lot of new places and characters into the mix. The fandom's getting flooded with new material, because of this. The only thing that I'm really having to adjust to is the major changes to Ponyville. They're really hardcore about turning it from the once cute little quiet town, to a growing burg. That continues to affect the spinoff material, and drives mappers like me crazy, especially since there is now a rail line running right through the middle of town. As of the previous episode, we now know that it goes right to Canterlot. (and what happened to the woods?!)
In the Loft, things have become quieter, but less chaotic. It's not as populated as it once was, players have left or fallen into silence. Kind of depressing sometimes, but there are still a few of us that try to keep things going strong, at the least to honor the memory of those who came and went before us. Lately I've been trying to advocate a lot of different scenarios, to keep things interesting. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Still, when things go well, it leaves more, in a line of awesome memories that I will not forget. I've been tempted to seek out new players from the other channels.
On the subject of scenarios, and projects, this is where I will be going crazy, for most of the next month. I've been spearheading a string of various planned RPs, and setting the stage for others. I hope that I can advertise enough to everyone to make them want to come:
Winter Moon Festival - Princess Luna's version of Summer Sun, This one is going to potentially run me ragged, as it will be the single most ambitious RP project I have ever run. I'm both excited and nervous about doing it, but I will not back down from it.
Hearth's Warming - I've more or less been spoiled as to what this is all about, but I'm being subtle about its actual meaning, so as not to spoil anyone else. I know we plan to do some sort of Christmas-y thing probably on the 24th, which is when we've set the date for that event. I don't really expect to see too many on, except to drop in, but I will hold vigil, regardless.
Dreamsweet's going to be running some kind of treasure hunt, one day too. This promises to be wacky and amusing. We also have New Years, a birthday in January, and something that I will not talk about just yet.
With my mood slightly better lately, and stuff working without the frustrating problems, I've returned to my writing as well. I feel bad that I have neglected it for so long, but I just can't write when my heart's not in it. On the whole, this month has been and continues to be good to me, in and out of the Loft, so I think it will start reflecting in my works.
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