(These constant standoffs are starting to affect my ability to RP, so I think it's time I got this off my chest. I'm still a little upset so this might get kind of personal. )
A great many changes have happened recently, surrounding the Loft, the most significant being Fluttershi's divorce and the departure of Hipsterluna from the RP. It was a long time coming, but that didn't make it any easier. The breakup left a void, and a lot of wounded hearts. In the end, I think we'll recover, but for now, there are dark times through which we must pass.
The Loft has changed hooves, to Fluttershi, and now rests in her care, but she wont' stand alone; not as long as we all support each other. This is where I have taken up the mantle. When Luna left, she made of me, one final request - Help Shi run the Loft. I promised her, and stepped up. Already, this has put me in an antagonizing position against other members. That is the burden of leadership, but if it ensures that Luna's legacy and our home live on, then I will gladly accept whatever enmity comes with the task.
It's been a strange month. Veils have been lifted, and truths have come to light, and not all of them were taken very kindly. Nevertheless, it's a few less secrets I have to burden myself with. I did find it rather disturbing to learn that I garner such hatred and jealousy from some around me. I guess I should be used to that by now, but it still weighs on my heart. All I ever did was love openly, with no reservations, and no fear. I'm a bard, it comes with the territory. So, to appease the animosity, I acted out of a moment of emotional stress, and made the worst mistake I could have ever made - I hit the reset button.
It was an action, committed out of pure disgust and guilt. I was so sick and tired of being attacked by everyone for "trying to steal every mare for myself". I've never TAKEN anything! All I have, I've been given freely. (Amazing what can happen when you use real emotions to RP. It creates genuine bonds.) So, I wiped the slate clean. That of course back lashed immediately, and now I have to contend with the very real possibility of losing the two most important ponies of my OC's life. It fixed NOTHING. In fact, the only thing it did, was create more pain for them, and me. But, at least now the others don't have to worry about me interfering with their agendas, right? NO! Now they're all trying to UNDO it. Then why the hell did I do this in the first place?! I gave them exactly what they wanted, an opportunity, without me being in the picture to screw things up for them, and they spit it back in my face.
It's no wonder I'm losing my drive. I get vilified for what I have, but I have put genuine effort into a lot of it. And, I have a life outside the IRC, so do others, I get that, but the simple fact of this real-time-based-RP, is that I'm THERE. I didn't just conjure up some magic story and create relationships out of thin air. I actually built them from the ground up. I didn't just walk in the door one day and say "I'll take that one." It was MONTHS worth of RPs, adventures, and private chats. I realize, to some, this is just a game or a diversion, but it's very real to me, because I have made it so. My heart goes in this 100%. Anything less wouldn't be worthy of me.
And so now I'm planning to undo the damage caused, seek the forgiveness of my two dearest brony friends, and never let my heart falter again! Love is not a sin, it's a blessing.
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